Fill Me

So this morning at church, God totally filled me in a way that I didn't know I needed. Towards the end of the amazing last message on Heaven, we were asked to put our hands out in front of us, in a receiving position, if we wanted to be filled with the Spirit. I'm always up for that so I put my hands out, as did Matt. With our hands being close together he just reaches over and puts his hand under mine, as if he were holding it up. Just as he did that the Lord spoke to me and told me that my husband was totally supporting me too. My tears burst forth.

Now just to clarify, during the majority of our marriage, it was very clear that Matt was to be my support mentally and emotionally until I finished school; that our sacrifices as a family would be to support this goal. So now, during this last year, God has called me to be Matt's armor bearer as he's working, going to school, and dreaming business dreams. But apparently, in my mind, I took this as not only being his support, but also solely sustaining myself; so I was supporting both of us...by myself...or so I thought. The interesting thing is that I didn't even know that I took on this extra burden until the Lord took it away today by telling me and showing me that Matt was supporting me too, especially in my newest role of motherhood (which if you read my previous blog would understand that implication). So my new thought is that just because I'm Matt's armor bearer right now doesn't mean that he is not supporting me at all...he is big time. He's still my husband and best friend and will always be my hugest support mentally and emotionally. It's just that now I should focus on being his in these specific areas and that we are making more sacrifices on his behalf right now and not mine. That sounds way more balanced.

So when we got in the car to go home, I began to tell Matt of how the Lord did something amazing for me when he put his hand underneath mine. But before I was able to tell him what exactly the Lord had done, he tells me that the Lord told him to put his hand underneath mine, to flex his arm, and not let me hold my own weight of my arm! I started laughing with joy. I just figured that he was holding my hand during that time, but no! God was telling him to support my hand up! We were both laughing with joy! God is so amazing!

Thank you Lord for shining your light on the thoughts I didn't even know I had and for taking them away and replacing them with your truth...thank you Lord for filling me today!