The Bigger Picture

Today I had a huge lesson that brought me to tears.

While attempting to feed my pre-toddler dinner, I was increasingly becoming very frustrated. She wouldn't eat pieces of food, only pureed food. She would just throw the pieces of food on the floor. All I could think was that I was going to have to spoon feed her the rest of her life. Ahhhhhhhhh!!! I had reached my limit. Thankfully I had an errand to run, so it was time to get out of the house and have some alone time.

On my way home I switched the radio station over to KLOVE. I heard a woman who had called in to share her testimony of how a particular song was ministering to her. She proceeded to say that exactly one year ago her 19 year old son came back to the Lord. God had already told her that he would be her prodigal son and 9/9/07 was the date he came back. He had left his life of drugs and partying to return to the Lord; to become a better person for the Lord. One month after he did this, he passed away. She later found a written statement from him declaring his new commitment to Jesus Christ on that date one month before he passed away. She celebrated for one month and has been mourning for the past 11 months.

My heart broke. Being a mother now I am better able to understand what that kind of relationship entails. He had left her by his own choice, to live in sin. Then he came back totally sold out for Christ. Then the Father took him home so soon. Although God had taken him away so soon, He still gave her a month to celebrate with her son and restore their relationship. God also gave her confirmation of his heart for the Lord. Her son's salvation was in writing!

All I could think about was the bigger picture of my daughter's life. Who she would be...her relationship with me...her father...her Father in heaven...

All of a sudden I didn't care about the little pieces of food that were thrown on the floor...the food that she refused to eat. All I wanted to do was hug her and hold her tight...even if just for a moment... I don't know what the next moment holds...not that I'm living in fear, but I'm just seeing the right perspective; the bigger picture!

Still Listening

I'm still listening for the Lord's whispers in this dark room I'm in. I think I must clarify that this isn't an attack of the enemy. I hear his attacks and they are quite different. This place that I am in is a place that God has me. So because of that I don't need to be sad or depressed. I admit that I'm not jumping for joy, but I am content. I'm quiet. I'm still. That's all that I can be. Every time I think about the future with regards to ministry, serving, a career, or my passions my mind gets fuzzy or like static on a t.v. It's kind of weird. But since I'm here, no matter what I do, I may as well rest and trust that the Lord's presence is surrounding me. The amazing thing is that because I have to focus so hard on God alone I'm able to hear Him when He tells me to pray for someone and what to pray for. He is still using me in the present moments. Thank you, Lord!

Alone In a Crowd

Have you ever felt that way: alone in a crowd? I have. And it's happening again.

I'm a stuffer...I stuff my emotions. I don't even realize I'm doing it until I start to notice physical symptoms appearing. Apparently, Saturday was a good day to display some physical symptoms. I felt so depressed, hopeless, lifeless. My patience level was way too low, which isn't a good time since my daughter is learning how to throw an Oscar winning performance of the all time favorite temper tantrum. The hard part is that although I see these symptoms it is still so hard to figure out what is really bothering me. There were no obvious thoughts in my head that I could take captive to release me of these feelings. It got so ridiculous that Matt and I started joking about making my life into a movie titled, "What's Wrong With Sarah Bram?" The movie would be so unsatisfying to the audience because the entire movie would be trying to figure out all these possible reasons for my feelings and in the end we still wouldn't know! I suppose we have a weird sense of humor, but we got a good laugh out of it.

So as the next few days went on my display of symptoms went way down..."oh good, I must be feeling better..." or so I thought. I was excited because I had energy for mom's group today. But little did I know that even amongst all my friends I still felt so alone. It had absolutely nothing to do with them...it was another fun day of chit-chatting about life while the kids played. Friends were open with me...I was open with them. So why this feeling. On my way home I pictured myself in a dark room having NO IDEA where I was going or what I was doing...I was just completely lost. Then, one of my favorite songs came on the radio. It's called Whispers In The Dark by Skillet. The chorus goes like this:

No, you'll never be alone
When darkness comes
I'll light the night with stars
Hear my whispers in the dark

No, you'll never be alone
When darkness comes
You know I'm never far
Hear my whispers in the dark

Awesome! Instead of frantically trying to find my way around in this dark room looking for a light switch or an exit or even just trying to figure out where I am, I will let my heart be still. I will quietly and calmly sit here knowing that the Lord's presence is the only light I need...even if I can't see it with my eyes. I am going to sit here in the dark and listen for His whispers.

A Note Worthy Blog

An old friend of mine from the church I grew up in started a blog for moms. This blog, spiritual walking, is meant to be a place you can go to for encouragement, devotions, Bible verses, etc. It has already encouraged me right when I needed it. So I just wanted to pass this resource on to all of you whom might be interested.

A Trip Down Memory Lane

In good ol' Pecaut fashion, in celebration of our anniversary that was yesterday, I thought I'd share our past with you...through pictures. Since most of you didn't know us in those days this should be fun...and embarrassing! Of course, these aren't the best quality pictures considering they were all scanned onto the computer, but you'll get the idea.

Since we met in high school, these next two photos are of us during that time.
Yes, this is Matt with his rocker mollet!!!

If we ever had engagement pictures, I guess the next 2 would be them...

Next is our one wedding photo I'll share.

This picture was just months after we were married at another friend's wedding.

This is the view from our first apartment. It is also where we first saw and met our dear cat, Cookie.

The next 3 pictures are during our first 2 years of marriage...right before Matt's back injury when he was working for Pacific Bell. It is also the beginning of my "fat pictures".Notice how skinny Cookie is!

Don't you just love the hair!

This is us on top of Mt. Diablo

This is a picture of my awesome car. My 2001 Firebird. For not being a car person, I sure loved this car! It was the perfect color and it was a T-top!

This next one I've dubbed our "Mormon Picture" (sorry if this offends any one). Yes, Matt's ear is pierced and I'm really that big! This is obviously before we met Emily Faulknor!!!

The next 5 pictures are some recreational pictures of us. Skiing, swimming, hiking.

During this trip to Yosemite, I had to fork out $300 at the only store for miles around to buy these snow pants (which are really winter rock climbing pants) because mine were about 3 sizes too small...this was one of the first moments that I realized I wasn't the size I used to be.

The next 5 pictures are during our mission trip to Vienna, Austria and Bratislava, Slovakia in 2002. It was the year before we moved to Redding and the year that I lost 60 lbs.

This is Matt preaching the Word of God in the streets.This is me dancing in the streets to bring in the crowds to hear the Word.

We're having some down time on the coolest playground equipment ever.
This was Christmas 2004. Matt was walking death at this point...he is so pale.

The next 2 pictures are of us camping, but it really looks like I met a homeless man and took some pictures with him. Matt was still walking death because of his pain medication and he also took a break from shaving and cutting his hair.

The next 3 pictures are of us on different backpacking trips. They're all after Matt's back surgery.

I thought I'd finish this stroll down memory lane with a picture from my 25th birthday party. The party was at my brother's house which just happen to have the same view as our first apartment in Pittsburg (California). Plus, you've probably already seen all pictures from that point.

I hope you have enjoyed a little of Bram history. This now begins the countdown to our 10th anniversary in which we are going to have a vow renewal ceremony and party to which you are invited!

A Husband Who Loves His Wife

Yesterday was our 9th wedding anniversary...YAY!!! Usually I'm the one who gives the surprises and figures them out when they're meant for me. Well, this time, Matt's surprise for me was a success! He's been boasting about it for a couple of weeks now and I seriously didn't have a clue. I didn't even know how to dress for the occasion. I feel so incredibly blessed by him that I have to share what he did. I wanted to take pictures, but I figured that your imaginations (especially you ladies) will be more than sufficient to picture it.

All I knew was that I was to find a babysitter from 6-8:45pm. Thanks to Becky and Marty (and little Marty) our night was set. He told me to go drop her off and then come home and it would be at that point that he would tell me what was going on. So when I got home, before I walked through the door, I saw a note saying to remove everything from my feet. So I took off my shoes and walked through the door. I was instantly met with the wonderful fragrance of roses. On the floor was a path of rose pedals. I followed the pedals up the stairs, through our bedroom, into our bathroom. It didn't seem like I was in my own bathroom; I felt like I had just entered an expensive spa retreat! Tea candles lit, bath towels rolled on the counter, beautiful music playing, and a bubble bath just calling my name! There was a jacuzzi pillow in the tub that I had never seen before just waiting to be used. There was even a glass of ice water. No detail was left undone! So Matt finally came in to greet me and instruct me as to what was happening. He wanted to bless me with the most relaxing evening. He didn't make our anniversary about us, but about me; He wanted to serve me. So after about 45 mins of my relaxing spa (I know it's just a bathtub, but it felt like a spa to me), it was time for phase two.

After I got out, I went into our bedroom to see a massage table (courtesy of my parents generosity) set up. That's right, as if my muscles weren't relaxed enough, I was now going to enjoy an hour long full body massage! Again, no details were left undone. The music was playing and the candlelight was flickering. When he was massaging my lower back he prayed for me and my healing. When he finished my lower back he lifts up our hot/cold bag, opens it, and pulls out hot towels to lay across my back!!! I was so amazed! All the details I would have never thought of. When my massage was over he told me that when he was planning this the Lord told him to massage certain parts of my legs and back to aid in my healing...a masseuse that is directed by the Lord...AMAZING!!! I pretty much felt like jello after that! I was and still am so overwhelmed by his love, his heart, his romance. I truly felt beautiful. He made me feel like a princess. I'm getting choked up just writing this!

After my massage it was time to pick up our precious daughter (who is teething horribly...sorry Moseleys...we owe you big). So I called in some Applebees takeout and we finished the night with good food and, of course, some Olympics. We curled up with each other and rested in each other's presence. God is good!!!

Tonight is a continuation of our anniversary with a wonderful dinner out at Tierra Oaks. I am sooooo looking forward to that!

Brams and the Olympics

The Bram family has quite a history with the Summer Olympics. This is our 3rd Olympics together and it has never been a dull moment.

2000: We were celebrating our first year of marriage together!

2004: Matt relied on the Olympics while he was in St. Mary's Spine Center in San Francisco recovering from his disc replacement/back surgery while being fed solely through an IV.

2008: We are now watching our almost 10month old daughter have the attention span of an adult when it comes to watching the gymnasts do all of their twists, turns and flips (this proves she is definitely my daughter!).

I'm so curious as to where we'll be in 2012...2016...2020...