I've given my life to Jesus. This is not a secret. These past few years He has really taken me to a deeper understanding of what this actually entails. I've surrendered my entire life to Him--for His glory. My physical body, my mind, my soul, and my spirit are His.
This means a few things: 1. He loves me exactly the way that I am. 2. He loves me too much to let me stay the same (healing, growing, etc.). 3. He will use all parts of me to bring His kingdom and His glory to other people so that they might experience His goodness.
So when He calls me forth, out of where I currently am, it is scary because it's the unknown. Even though I don't want to stay where I am, it's comfortable because it's familiar; I know how to function (sometimes in my dysfunction), and simply, because it is safe here.
But the more I get to know Him the less of this safe life I want. I've gotten to know certain parts of Him in this safe zone, but it leaves me thirsty for MORE of Him. So thirsty, in fact, that it outweighs my fear of the unknown. The mystery of Jesus draws me further away from the shallow waters to take the risk and enter in to the deep--the deeper waters which also include His presence, His glory, His grace. This risk of deeper waters can only be done with faith--trusting in the characteristics of God that I've already experienced and knowing that I've barely scratched the surface of Who He is.
Processing through this (leaving the safe zone for the unknown) and knowing that I'm still holding on to some of the fears that I have, a new song has entered my music library. I've been listening to a song called "Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)" from Hillsong United's new album Zion. It is helping me, in worship, to ask the Lord to lead me out; to walk further away from my will and closer to His.
I've asked for this. I've traded my prerogative for His, knowing that as my Creator, He knows ALL of me--my pain, my sin, my deepest thoughts, my heart, and my potential. I trust that when He leads me to walk on the deepest waters, where my feet will fail to hold me up, my faith is what will stand me up to walk further in to the unknown--which will only carry me deeper in to His presence.
I hear you, Jesus. I'm stepping out.
7 months ago